Turning a Corner...

Sam slept almost 12 hours last night! Halle-freakin'-lujah! Hopefully this will be the start of welcoming back my sweet boy. Might I add, not a moment to soon, because this mom was at the end of her proverbial rope. Yesterday by 5:00 he had only managed to sleep 10 minutes all day, and that was in the car. Overtired baby+overtired mama+unemployment=a whole new kind of crazy! It was our turn to watch my niece and nephew last night while BIL and SIL went out, and I called SIL around 4:00 to say it wasn't looking like a good night for us. She was incredibly understanding and let me vent for a while, which was great. Pat went to his contract job again yesterday, so I was going it alone with 2 sleepless kids all day. Oh yeah, Addie refused to nap, and with Sam screaming I didn't have the time/energy to devote to trying to make her nap happen. Last night when Pat got home, he got Sam to bed, and then bathed Addie. Those 2 small acts of helpfulness felt monumental to me, and I was much happier I think for the rest of the evening.

It's been a month of no job now. I think the most frustrating part has been feeling so good about this company that is supposed to be extending the offer, but hearing nothing concrete from them. Things that I can normally handle just fine seem to be huge because I'm just not handling things well. Emotions that are perpetually at a dull roar deep down are suddenly so close to the surface, it feels like a break down is always minutes away. I think the other hard part is that usually when Pat or I are struggling, we have the other one to help us through, but because neither one of us is on our A-game, our usual support isn't totally there, and I find myself getting frustrated with him instead of supporting him which isn't very fair to either of us. Then I feel like wife-o'-the-year, and feel even worse about the whole scenario.

Ok, now that I've re-read the ol' blog to this point, I've realized what a big stick in the mud I'm surely sounding like. Time to pull myself up by my bootstraps and keep trudging. Yes, this is a test of faith, but I have already seen personal growth and countless blessings, and I should be focusing on those instead. I'd probably see a world of difference. My new mission, should I choose to accept it, is to recapture that sense of optimism and positive attitude that I'm usually not too shabby at. I have to remind myself sometimes of the scriptures in the D&C when The Lord is talking to Joseph Smith about his trials while he's in Liberty Jail (I believe section 121, vs. 7-8). "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment. And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." Don't worry, I'm not a super scriptorian, but those scriptures were my jr. high mantra when my life was totally over (although that's a whole different post, as I'm sure is everyone's jr. high drama). Now I look back on that time and am glad for those trials, but also realize how small they seem in comparison to things that have happened since. Anyway, right now I need to focus on the "endure it well" phrase. Yes, we'll get through this, but we'll choose if we get through kicking and screaming and being miserable, or if we get through it happy and positive and drawing closer.

Our weekend is a blank slate right now, so hopefully we can enjoy and have a good one. I'll be sure to report back! I'm off, like a herd of turtles.