Becoming a P.U.

When I was in high school, one of my best friends and I referred to our parents (really mostly her parents) as the P.U.'s, short for parental units, but also deemed fitting and hilarious to our teenage selves because we felt like parents stink (really mostly her parents). Yesterday I had the striking realization that I am currently a P.U., and although I'm sure that someday my kids will think I stink as a parent, I realized that I don't want them to think that right now, or to look back at their childhood and determine that I was a stinky parent. Don't worry, this is not a post to be hard on myself, only to reexamine, set goals, and maybe even point out a few good things.

One of the girls I visit teach is a serious domestic goddess (something I secretly-or not so secretly- wish to be). Her house always seems spotless, and it is always neat and tidy before her husband comes home. Last week we went over, and she had a quilt set up in her living room (of her apartment no less, where of course one of my 100 excuses not to set up a quilt would be lack of space not to mention the fact that I'm a complete sewing novice) and her kids were playing nicely while she was hand quilting a baby quilt. She has a daughter a few weeks older than Addie, and she always lets her little girl help her bake the home made bread or other great creations she regularly produces. Her meals are always delicious and well-balanced, many things being made completely from scratch. Last year for Thanksgiving she baked 23 pies. She always takes a meal or some sort of treat to every sister in the ward who has a baby. Her kids seem to watch a limited amount of tv, and she provides wonderful enriching activities for her 2 darling children who are a mere 17 months apart. She makes her daughter's church dresses. Her 2 year old can sing full-blown hymns in addition to primary songs. She reads voraciously in her spare time and regularly takes her kids to the library in the stroller since her husband takes their car to law school everyday. She manages the apartment complex they live in. She almost always completes her visiting teaching. Why do I bring up this great sister? Do I make myself feel bad about the things she does that I...well...don't? Yes, I'll admit sometimes there is an amount of self-loathing that occurs at my lack of "perfection". My house is rarely clean when Pat gets home. Setting up a quilt is not something I've ever attempted. I only attempt to make things from scratch when Addie is asleep- rarely allowing her the privilege of helping in the kitchen. When she asks to help, I've even been known to tell her "you can help by playing in the other room". I've never made a homemade pie in my life without a pre-made crust. I frequent Gap sales to find Addie's church dresses and the thought of making them is 100% overwhelming.

So, I guess my confession is that I'm not as awesome as the above mentioned sister, but I have to remind myself that there are probably ways that I parent differently than she does and areas I have strengths where she may have weaknesses. Although none of those areas are obvious to me, there are some things I do as a parent that I feel good about. I read and sing with Addie daily. My house maintains a minimum standard of cleanliness, but when more times is devoted, it can turn out pretty ok. Although not all items served are home-baked, I can throw a nice dinner party. Addie is learning how to help me as she sets and clears the table, and I'm getting better about giving her opportunities to help me cook. We take a lot of time to cuddle, and we have a lot of good talks about how loved she is. We've become very consistent in having family home evening, and although our lessons are short to match her attention span, they're referred back to and she is learning the basic principles of the gospel. Addie has a great imagination, something I take minimal credit for, but I know all of the "independent playtime" she has really has helped to foster her creativity.

Addie and the daughter of my friend I visit teach are the best of friends. I went to pick Addie up at nursery a few weeks ago, and she and Abby were cuddling on the rocking chair, then they'd get down and run and giggle, then they'd climb back up on the rocking chair and put their arms around each other to snuggle some more. I think both Abby's mom and I are doing some good things. Our domestic pursuits may be in very different stages, but we're both teaching our kids how to love one another.

There are areas I've been thinking about needing to improve in my parenting, and although the list is long, I know I can make progress- it's one of the blessings of mortality! My patience can improve, and I'm given opportunities on an hourly basis with my kids to make sure that it does! Because of the stewardship I have for my family, I can pray and receive revelation to know the best ways to teach my kids, the best ways to discipline my kids, and the best ways to spend my time for my family (and I think that quilt making may not be Heavenly Father's choice for me right now).

I feel blessed that Addie is not yet at a stage where she's started to compare me to other parents. Right now she thinks that Pat and I are just the best there is- which is confidence building and humbling all rolled into one. So I'll enjoy these days before I turn into a PU...