The Land of Overwhelmed

I've taken up residence in the land of overwhelmed. I'm pretty sure I'll be here for a while.

I'm overwhelmed at what's happened over the past two weeks. My dad's stroke was pretty severe. His mobility is very limited. He's in an inpatient rehab facility and will most likely be released in a wheel chair. The rehab center felt it would be best for him to stay until the end of January in hopes of meeting his goals, adjusting the release date if needed to make sure he's functioning well enough when he leaves. Now, due to insurance issues, he'll most likely have to leave mid-January, a few weeks away from meeting his goals. There's a chance he could go to a skilled nursing facility to get closer to his goals after leaving the rehab center, but either straight from rehab or from the skilled nursing place the plan is for him to move in with our family. Even if he's met his goals, he's anticipated to be released in a wheelchair. This means we're currently trying to figure out how to make our home accessible for him. I'm overwhelmed by the amount of care he may need when he gets here.

I'm overwhelmed with the phone calls. I've spent hours on the phone over the past two weeks with nurses, social workers, human resources personnel, the social security office, my aunt, my brothers, trying to figure out his care and his benefits. There are hours of phone calls ahead, but I'm glad I can at least do some of the calling more easily than I can the physical side of things (like moving his stuff out of his apartment, a job my brothers took care of, or making dozens of trips back and forth to the hospital) right now with a 3 week old.

I'm overwhelmed trying to find balance in my life. I have things that I greatly desire to be doing, things that I know will fall back into place, but right now I'm not sure how or when. My calling, the joys in making my home, the care of meal planning are all things I'm sure I'll get back to, but not sure when. My kids needs are being met and I'm having a lot of good conversation with my sweet husband and that is what is most important right now.

I'm overwhelmed that mastitis set in on Christmas Eve and has consumed my weekend. I started an antibiotic yesterday and the chills and fever have left, so hopefully I've turned the corner.

I'm overwhelmed at the support of family and friends. This is one of the hardest times I've ever gone through. I'm so grateful to those who have wept with me, who have helped me problem-solve, who have offered listening ears and helping hands and pep talks on hard days (which, who am I kidding, seems like every day right now). I know I wouldn't be making it through at all right now without the amazing people who surround me, and I feel so blessed.

I'm overwhelmed spiritually. I've been filled with a lot of uncertainty, wondering how this is going to work or why Heavenly Father wants this for me or what I'm supposed to learn. There are a lot of unsettled emotions in my relationship with my dad that will hopefully be smoothed out. There are a lot of things that I can see I will learn from this experience. There are tender mercies that have allowed me to realize that I've been preparing for this. When we were naming Charlie, I was about 90% sure we would name him Elias and call him Eli, but when he was born it just didn't fit. I couldn't let it go that Elias needed to be part of his name, and it became his middle name. I kept feeling the impression that this little boy would be preparing our family for something special as I studied the entry in the bible dictionary over and over while pregnant with him which refers to Elias as "a preparer". I feel like now I'm starting to see what he's preparing us for. Our family is going to reach a whole new level as we go through this experience. I know that we have to be at a point where every good thing is in place and our obedience is exact so that we are qualified for all blessings that Heavenly Father can send. I know that I have a lot of work to do.

There are many, many unknowns in our situation right now- what my dad's condition will be when he comes, how long he'll stay with us, how it's going to work, how we'll get along. The one thing I do know is that I will be growing. Our family will be growing together. And Heavenly Father knows we can do this. I hope this is not something I just endure, but that I can endure it well.

I'm overwhelmed by the love of my Savior and my Heavenly Father as I'm embarking on this journey.

Knee-Deep

I'm currently knee-deep in too many things:

-dirty diapers
-lost hours of sleep
-last minute Christmas shopping
-phone calls
-notes and notes and notes

My dad had a stroke Sunday. The things that were just getting back to normal with having a newborn are suddenly back to overwhelming and crazy. I know things will be ok. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan and that things will work out, but wow is this hard. Hopefully I'll be back soon with sweet baby pictures and Christmas tales.

So I Can Remember

I need to post a few things about the past few days, just so I can remember when these days feel like so long ago.

-Yesterday Sam put his hand down on a wet burp cloth and was totally disgusted. When he realized what it was, he said "be right back, mom" and ran back to get a new burp cloth for Charlie. It was the sweetest thing. He calls Charlie "baby brother" a lot of the time. He also is fascinated with how I feed Charlie and pretends to get milk out of the fridge and bring it to me so I can put it in my body to feed Charlie. Today he told me he was bringing me chocolate milk because Charlie would like it better.

-Addie is still loving having a baby at home and spends a lot of time holding Charlie or asking to hold him. That girl is using hand sanitizer like it's going out of style because she wants to always be ready when she gets a chance to hold him. She's also super helpful and gets whatever I ask for if I'm needing diapers/wipes/etc. She told me yesterday it's probably going to be hard for me to take care of 3 kids, and I told her I'm going to try my best to learn so I hope she'll be patient with me. I can't believe how grown up she is lately.

-Charlie is doing great. We're having a little bit of a rough time feeding (translated to me wincing at every feeding) , but hopefully that will straighten out soon. He is just so sweet and so handsome. I'll work on more pictures soon. I think he's straightening out days and nights. He has a nice wakeful stretch in the morning which the kids love being able to see him.

That's all for now. I need to rest while I have the chance!

Charlie boy

After much deliberation we named our baby Charles Elias. 3 out of 4 of his great-grandpa's have Charles as a first or middle name, so it's nice to honor so many important men in our family. Here's a slightly abbreviated version of his arrival- just so I can share some details since who knows when I'll have time to post again!

I went in at 7 Wednesday morning and got started on pitocin close to 8:30. The midwife came in and tried to break my water multiple times (the first time the baby was still too high, the second time she felt his hand by his head and at this point I'd developed a slow leak of water, the third time was the charm). I got an epidural around noon and that was the worst part of the whole thing. I'd felt fine before hand and afterwards was zapped of all energy and just felt crappy. At 2:15 they checked and I was at a 6 (I was at a 4 when I arrived that morning). At 2:45 I was at a 10. I started pushing at 2:55, pushed through 4 contractions, and he arrived at 3:04. He was 8 lbs, 11oz, and 21 inches. He has more hair than any of my other babies have and it's adorable to me. He is just the sweetest thing. Addie and Sam are over the moon with their new baby brother. They're constantly informing him "Hi, it's me your big brother/sister". I'm so glad to have Pat home for the entire coming week. Our house is decorated for Christmas (as of today thanks to Matt and Chrissy) and I'm hoping for some cozy days together enjoying our baby and the holiday season. After worrying the whole pregnancy that I didn't feel connected, I definitely feel the bond with him now! I can't get pics to load, so to see him, go here.

Baby baby

He's here! He's nameless! He's big! 8 lbs, 11 oz, 21 inches. He's perfect! Will be back soon with pictures and a name and a full story, but thought I'd update a little. We're in love!