So I've already started this post and didn't like the direction it headed, so here's Monday Monday version 2. Hope it turns out a little better.
Today my brothers left after a weekend of just chillin'. Their plans to hang with friends didn't come into fruition too much, so they enjoyed a lot of down time with their adorable niece and nephew, and we had a good time together eating, movie watching, helping bring the RM up to speed on pop culture, and relaxing. I think Ben was antsy to return to Idaho to find a job and get his life started again, but I was glad they came to hang out for a few days. Addie always enjoys when the uncles are around!
I've admittedly been a little moody lately. I think the late late nights I had while the brothers were here didn't help things, combined with my early rising children due to day light savings. I feel like I just want to sleep. And have an afternoon to myself to cry, or ponder, or read, or drive, or all of the above. We're about to hit the 3 month mark. A friend told me recently that you can expect to be unemployed 1 month for every $10,000 you make. I hope that's not true, because we may have a while if it is. I need to get my Nephi-build-a-boat kind of courage back, but I think it must've taken a mini-vacay to get away from it all. Hopefully it returns soon!
Faith is hard sometimes. I've been thinking lately about how faith is an action word, and how I can make my faith more active. I've been kind of passive, just believing that things will work out, but I feel like there's more I should be doing to demonstrate that belief. I'm not totally sure what it is I should be doing, so feel free to give suggestions. Yes, faith is hard. We had a great lesson in Relief Society yesterday on personal revelation. It was definitely something I needed to hear. I was also really inspired by Mel's post today. Check it out, if you haven't already. This girl has got a rock-solid testimony- just one more thing to love about her!
I really feel like right now we're being given this gift of time together. I'm trying to figure out how to make the most of it so we can look back on it fondly and gratefully for all of the things we were able to enjoy together. I feel like we've been doing that some, but we're starting to fade a little. We've got to refocus and get some direction.
So, that's where we are. I'm worn out from battling a highly emotional toddler and a baby with a cold all day. I'm worn out from having company for the past 4 days. I'm worn out from the last 3 months of uncertainty. But I'm ok. I'm having faith. I'm trusting. I just need to be putting more action and purpose into those things to achieve more joy and peace. I think I'll go start on some of that pondering.
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5 comments:
we'll keep praying! and hoping that good things are just around the corner...
You sweet girl! I wish you lived next door so you could drop off your little sweethearts and take a good long nap. :) I loved what you said about faith in action-- I've been giving that lots of thought because it was a big part of the lesson I gave on Sunday from an amazing talk (Strengthen thy Brethren, Elder Whetten May 2005 Ensign). But you know what-- you may not realize it, but you've been actively inspiring others with your faithful words! Anyone who reads your blog knows that-- and so I can only imagine the positive influence you must have in real life. See? You've been demonstrating active faith without even knowing it. Goodness--who knows what will happen now that you've set your mind to it!
You're awesome-- and sorry about writing a whole book here!
Christina, you have had such a good attitude for the past 3 months. I can't imagine the uncertainty you must feel! And you are handling it with so much grace without sugar-coating the pain. You are authentic!!
I agree with Melissa! You are genuine and authentic. The real deal. Everyone has rough days, and you are certainly entitled to your own.
You said a key thing there-you are trusting. That is so key, I think, because it takes a lot to hand control over to HF. It's alot about what Melissa talked about, and I think you're doing a great job!
You know, a few years back when I thought I had lung cancer, I was given a blessing that if I would learn humility, the docs would be astounded at my recovery. I was mad because I didn't understand the real meaning of humliity -- so I spent weeks studying and learning and what I learned is that you have to understand you can't do it all alone. You have to be able to tell Heavenly Father that you do need His help - and you have to believe that He will hear you and help. It's not easy - I thought I was doing that but I really wasn't -- but when I finally learned, there was an amazingly miraculous recovery for me. Hang in there, Christina. I promise you are doing everything right and the tide will turn. His hand is in your lives and you just have to keep the faith. Hugs coming your way!
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