Remembering

Today I'm remembering.  I'm remembering this Sunday six years ago, also December 19th.  I remember how big and pregnant I was singing in the church choir for the Christmas program.  I remember that I didn't really want to be there considering my due date had come and gone 6 days before. 

I remember coming home from church and heading to the hospital for my first dose of prostin gel.  I remember being sent home with instructions to come back 6 hours later for my second dose.  I remember a nap and a stop by Pat's parents house as we headed back 6 hours later.  I remember throwing the hospital bag in the car just in case the plan to come back the next morning somehow changed.  I remember laying on the bed after the second dose and feeling a pop.  I remember Pat making me laugh and the gush of water that would come with every chuckle. 

I remember sending him out to the car for the just in case bag.  I remember starting to feel uncomfortable, but not wanting an epidural yet.  I remember getting a shot every hour through the night that would instantly put me to sleep for 20 minutes.  I remember waking up after 20 minutes and being uncomfortable for 40 until I could get another shot.  Looking back, that was a silly thing to do, but I remember thinking it would be a long labor and not wanting the epidural to wear off by the time I needed it.  I remember starting the pitocin the next morning and waiting for a few hours until I knew the epidural was a necessity.  The anesthesiologist had rainbow-striped suspenders, and before long he had my undying gratitude. 

I remember throwing up over and over again while laboring and losing strength.  I remember getting to a 10 around lunch time and being told to wait because the baby hadn't dropped.  Waiting while at a 10 is not a good feeling, but I somehow fell asleep.  I vaguely remember some monitor problems.  I'd developed a fever, and so had the baby.  I remember around 3 telling the nurse that if I didn't push soon I thought I'd be too weak. 

There were 22 other babies who came at the hospital that day, so no one was available to help.  I remember the nurse giving us quick instructions on pushing and leaving Pat and I there to get started.  He counted, I held my legs, and we worked for an hour.  I remember the nurse finally coming in to see how I was progressing, and sticking around to help.  I remember pushing for another hour before they called the doctor.  I remember the doctor coming and giving me pep talk after pep talk to keep going.  After another half hour, our sweet girl was here.  All 8 pounds 13 ounces of her.  I remember the shock of such a big baby, and the happiness in holding her.

I remember yelling at Pat's parents who walked in as I was being stitched up, but letting them come in soon after to see our sweet girl.  I remember the parade of visitors and the euphoria which overshadowed the battle scars that come with two and a half hours of pushing.  I remember looking at her and choosing a name- Adelynn after Pat's grandma Adele, Anne after my grandma Anne. 

Tomorrow she'll be 6.  She's really becoming herself lately.  She is thoughtful and sweet.  She has a passion for learning and she loves to share her latest discoveries.  She's helpful and kind.  She loves bugs and dirt and bracelets and Barbies.  She loves her dad and brothers, but still has times when she just wants girl time with me. 

I'm sure I won't be around tomorrow to write about her- we're spending the day celebrating.  Happy Birthday to my Adelynn Anne.  Six years ago you changed me, and I am forever grateful.