Month End

The lack of blogging probably explains how the month of October went around here. So much to say. October 8th my dad moved to a nursing home/rehab facility for 90 days to hopefully gain access to a long-term assisted living program. There's a whole lot of blood/sweat/tears behind that story which I hope to record at some point, but for now I will just say that I feel more like myself than I have in months, and that is a very good thing. Things long neglected are starting to get some attention again. The rest of the month has really been a blur. Some of the highlights include Sam getting tubes, some gorgeous fall weather, food preservation via home made marinara, "sun" dried tomatoes, and apple sauce (with probably a few more batches of apple sauce and maybe one last batch of roasted tomato soup in my future), Charlie waving for the past few weeks and just today learning to clap, cooking classes, baby showers, time with friends, and lots more goodness. Be back soon. I have a lot to catch up on.

A Good Woman

"A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do. Life is not calm for most women, and each day seems to require the accomplishment of a million things, most of which are important. A good woman must constantly resist alluring and deceptive messages from many sources telling her that she is entitled to more time away from her responsibilities and that she deserves a life of greater ease and independence. But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently." -Julie Beck

I came across this quote this morning which I've loved since Sister Beck shared it at the last General Conference. The phrase "her heart yearns to do" leapt off the page. That's the current struggle I'm having. My heart yearns to do so many things- acts of service like meals for families with new babies and tending kids for people to attend the temple and making treats to deliver to my neighbors. My heart yearns to take each of my kids individually for their own quiet afternoon to read and play and bake and talk. My heart yearns for nights in bed talking until all hours with Pat instead of falling asleep from exhaustion as soon as our heads hit the pillow. Those things will come again. But I think it's part of why it's so hard to have my days filled with phone calls and paperwork right now- I yearn for something more and something better. I know where I want my priorities to be, but with other pressing concerns I'm unsure of how to get them there. I have a hard time being a good woman and accepting the fact that I don't have enough resources to do all of what I want to do. It's a hard lesson to learn and I think a hard thing to admit- that we can't do it all. I suppose that right now is helping me learn that reality and become that good woman. At least, I hope so.

Excited to soak up General Conference this weekend and [hopefully] not worry about anything else.

Documentation

I'm at one of those points where I really just need to get it all out for documentation purposes. I'm way too tired tonight to write about everything that's happened over the past several weeks, although I do hope to get to that point. For now, I'll just try to remember today.

7:30- woke up, started breakfast with A and S
7:55- called the home health nurse to leave a message because the dr's office never called back yesterday
7:58- left a message for the home health social worker in response to his text yesterday about when he could come today
8:05-tried to jump in the shower, the phone rang, talked to the dr.'s office
8:10- called the home health nurse back and left another message that I did talk to the dr.'s office
8:15- the home health nurse called back, confirmed appointment to come tomorrow
8:17-got a crying Charlie out of bed, new diaper, playing with A and S
8:25- jumped in the shower
8:35- change Charlie's diaper again (thank you antibiotic ear drops for causing diarrhea)
8:40-dry hair, finish getting ready
8:55-get Charlie dressed, Sam dressed, Addie's hair done, backpacks, teeth brushed
9:05- pack up kids, drop Addie off, drive to Sam's school
9:15-feed Charlie baby food in his car seat while waiting to drop off Sam
9:30-drop off Sam, drive to a skilled nursing facility to check it out
9:50- nurse Charlie before appointment with skilled nursing facility
10:00-10:30-tour facility
10:30-leave feeling more confused than ever- how could such a top rated facility still leave me feeling so depressed? Is this the wrong choice, or just the nature of nursing homes and the nature of this change?
10:45- talk to my brother while driving
11:15-talk to Pat while driving around so I can have a private conversation
11:40-leave a message for the social worker
11:50-drive to pick up Sam
12:00-drive to pick up Addie
12:40-answer the door to find a dear friend and a few moments of happiness, only to be on the interrupted by a call from the social worker
1:00-start making lunch for everyone
1:30- get lunch finished,
1:45-nurse Charlie and get him down for a nap
2:00-Sam breaks the neighbor's tree, march him down to apologize, wonder how many more neighbors we can alienate after Addie informs our middle-aged male neighbor she's not allowed to play at his yard right now
2:15-call independent living facilities to find out price quotes, amenities, etc.
3:00-social worker shows up, meet with him and my dad discussing different independent living versus skilled nursing options
4:00-social worker leaves, get Charlie out of bed
4:10- call back marketing person from skilled nursing facility this morning about some insurance issues
4:15- Charlie and Sam are playing, Charlie pulls a cord that shouldn't have been plugged in where it was and breaks a lamp, start cleaning up glass, decide to vacuum more while it's already out
4:30-call to set up neuropsych assessment for my dad, get told to call another number, leave a message
4:45-call Pat to determine his ETA, decide I'm not making dinner
5:15- head to chick-fil-a to pick up dinner
5:30-talk to psychologist, he doesn't take the insurance and can't do the neuropsych assessment
5:45- eat, feed Charlie about 3 dinners since he can't stop
6:15-start scripture reading
6:20-occupational therapist arrives
6:22-keep reading
6:25- take Sam to the potty
6:30-keep reading
6:35-Pat arrives home
6:40- finish reading
6:45- answer the phone and talk to a friend for 5 minutes, get kids in jammies, attempt to nurse Charlie but the kids are in and out too much
6:55- leave for relief society presidency meeting
8:35- arrive home, talk to Pat, decompress, raid the house for treats to feed my need for emotional eating, look up more potential people to do the neuropsych evaluation, talk to my brother, wonder how I'm holding it together
10:30- head to bed

Add to the mix a 3 year old who needs his mom and is acting out because of it, a 5 year old who has had moods today on both ends of the spectrum from a note saying "I haet my huos" to beautiful flower pictures saying "I love my mom", and an almost 10 month old with ear tubes draining, diarrhea from antibiotic ear drops, teething and a face covered in white specks of paint from deciding to chew on his crib today, and a bottomless appetite, and a me who wasn't as patient or loving as kind to any of those three as she wishes. Things feel almost as hard right now as they did at the beginning of when my dad came to live with us. I think it's because we're pushing toward a potential finish line of getting him moved into a different situation, but it's seriously a full time job right now.
I am blessed. I know that. I had some good quiet moments while driving today. Moments of prayer and peace. I'm not trying to document today to complain, but I do want to be able to remember how things are right now, if for no other reason than to say "I can't believe I did that" or "Those days were hard" or "I'm grateful I'm in a different place now". Off to bed so I can do it all again tomorrow.

Five on Friday

1. For the past almost two weeks I've been doing this new diet thing. It's called high carb eating, and it consists of eating all the things we haven't been since my dad has been living with us. Since he's been at a skilled nursing facility for the past 10 days I've made risotto and pasta dishes and anything else I could think of that had been on hiatus for the past 7 months. He's coming home this morning, so I suppose this diet comes to an end today, and really not a moment too soon with the waistline expansion I'm starting to notice.

2. As much as I was dreading the close of summer and the start of school, having a routine and a little structure back has been really nice. Seeing how much my kids are loving school has made things a whole lot easier. There's something wonderful about seeing them enjoy a pursuit they're involved in, be it building a block tower or playing in the sandbox or going to school. Sam's teachers are in love with his happy personality, and Addie comes home daily telling me about a new friend she's made. I'm a proud mom right now.

3. I'm seriously contemplating giving up tv watching. Not that I watch a lot to start with, but I keep thinking of ways I can have more time for things that feel neglected in my life or things that I'm wanting to start (exercise, reading, quilting, and family history to name a few), I'm hoping that by not getting into any of my former shows again since they haven't started yet this season, maybe I can avoid the tv trap and make something of myself. Not that you can't make something of yourself and watch tv, I just know I can't seem to do both. We'll see how long this lasts.

4. Tomatoes out back are making me happy right now. I'm hoping it stays warm enough to let the rest of my green tomatoes turn red, but in the mean time I think a BLT is definitely on the weekend agenda. I ate one everyday for lunch when pregnant with Addie. It probably explains her love for tomatoes. Maybe she'll have a BLT with me this weekend.

5. Speaking of weekend fun, tonight I'm headed to the local football game. Pat's dad used to be the principal at the high school and is being inducted into the high school hall of fame tonight. Some sort of pre-game dinner and a presentation before kick off are on the agenda. Maybe we'll even stay for the first half if the kids are holding up.

Hope your weekend is full of the last bits of summer like vine-ripe tomatoes and a little fall welcome like enjoying some football. Have a happy one!

Resolve

Tomorrow I will exercise because I ate too many cookies tonight.

Tomorrow I will eat healthy food and try to kick this cold to the curb once and for all.

Tomorrow I will organize a closet.

Tomorrow I will enjoy my kids all day long, even at bed time when I'm really ready for the day to be over.

Tomorrow I will visit my dad.

Tomorrow I will set aside time to read and pray and be quiet.

If I put it in writing, hopefully I'll stick to it, right?

Honesty

Sam's prayers over the past week have sounded something like this.

"Please bless that Dad can tickle Addie."

"Please bless that we can play in our beds instead of sleep in our beds."

"Please bless that I can eat more treats."

Honesty is indeed always the best policy. Or in this case at least, it's always good for a laugh.

Who, Me?

Yes, little ol' me is posting over at Sherbet Blossom this month. I'm thrilled that Hannah's having me over to share my favorites in her new series. I'm hopeful that I'll have my new project ready to go before the month is over. I realize those of you who know me well know that the thought that I have anything to offer on topics like beauty or fashion is kind of hilarious, but I'm having fun anyway. Hope you'll stop over every Friday in September!